


A Whole Lot Of Spinning (Before Getting Dizzie)

by SayYourLifeBrokeDown



Category: Lizzie Bennet Diaries
Genre: Backstory, Betrayal, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Growing Up, Heartbreak, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-03
Updated: 2013-05-21
Packaged: 2017-12-07 09:37:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 18,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SayYourLifeBrokeDown/pseuds/SayYourLifeBrokeDown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before Darcy and Lizzie met and fell in love (by way of a little hate), a lot of things happened to make Darcy the man he is. This explores his past, examining both his life and the lives of those close to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Little Bit Connected, A Little Bit Flung Apart

They grow up together a little bit connected and a little bit flung apart. Fitz is two years older than Darcy who is two years older than George who is four years older than Gigi who is older than absolutely nobody, not one single person, as far as Darcy is concerned. She is the baby and she is his baby sister and he holds her tenderly at age six, a wide goofy grin on his typically serious face.

 

He loves her, of course he loves her, but once he gets over the joy of her birth, he doesn't really pay much attention to her. She's his baby sister and he is fiercely protective of her, but even as a child, he's been serious and driven and _meticulous_. He is proud of her and he calls her Gigi with soft G's because it makes her laugh and smile (and later she will forget that this is why he does it, chalking it up to his general strangeness and incomprehensible big brotherhood, but he does it because when she was learning her own name, she liked that William said it special, and if anyone else tried to say it that way, she'd fixate them with a glare so severe that for a moment you'd forget she was a toddler, and then you'd remember, and then you'd laugh, because she was too bubbly and her face was too pretty and precious and chubby and adorable to hold a glare that strong, and she would let you laugh at her as long as you went back to saying Gigi with hard G's, because in the soft world of her babyhood, she and her brother were allowed to be French together, and the rest of the world was expected to live in hard reality--hard reality would catch up to them too one day, but she was not even two years old yet and couldn't possibly be expected to know that, her sweet innocence clinging to her yet). But ultimately William does not spend much time with her, because he is _busy_ and later he will think that he should have made her feel _needed_ , but in the way of older siblings, he never realizes just how much _she_ needs _him_. Or, at least, he doesn't realize it until it's too late for anything but "I'm so sorry" and "I should have been there" and a shoulder to cry on. (Not to mention a checkbook full of jagged promises.)

 

Darcy's time (during his carefully scheduled social periods) is most often spent with the two boys who might as well be his brothers. Fitz's mom and Darcy's mom are practically sisters, so Fitz is Darcy's first friend, ready to greet him at his birth with a sense of fun that never quite rubs off on William, though it makes Gigi and Fitz quick friends, despite the eight year gap between them. Fitz is sweet and good with kids and his easy nature translates into an adoration for Georgiana that will allow his heart to become nearly as broken as her own one day. They are friends, but he is also the oldest of them all (though he can never really pull off being the eldest when Darcy is around), and so despite his fun-loving spirit, he has a maturity about him that distances him from the rest of them slightly. When they are all adults, this will fade, but for now, he is practically Gigi's uncle and even Darcy sees him as someone to be respected in a way that keeps him from being a true peer. They are friends, yes. But Fitz looks out for Darcy, his shy almost-brother, in a nearly paternal way. Because when you are young, age differences seem more vast than they truly are, and their friendship is something that they grow into. As for George, he and Fitz never have much reason to interact. They have friends in common, and little else.

 

Fitz may have been Darcy's first friend, but George Wickham is his _best_ friend. Once they start school, it's a little awkward, true, for Darcy's best friend to be two grades below him, but Darcy is already awkward in a million other ways, so no one much cares about this particular instance of it. 

 

Besides, anyone who meets George loves him instantly. He is popular enough to boost William's own popularity despite their age difference. And with all his charm, he manages to capture Gigi's eye while she's still fully in the blush of youth, "Mrs. Wickham" scrawled all over her notebooks and she is only nine years old.

 

He's called her Peach for as long as he's known her (which has been her whole life).

 

It used to be cute.

 

He calls a lot of girls Peach, but she was the first one to receive the nickname, and she knows it, treasuring the knowledge, storing it away for future use, unknowingly preparing to make a disastrous mistake. 

 

_They grow up together. A little bit connected and a little bit flung apart._


	2. Batman and Darvid

Growing up, George is rambunctious, but not cruel.

 

(No, that comes later.)

 

Whenever Darcy gets into trouble, it's usually George's fault. But Darcy doesn't mind. Because George takes him on adventures and pulls him out of his shell and makes him feel altogether more _possible_ even though Darcy knows that "possible" isn't a feeling. He's willing to use it in this instance because George has taught him that breaking the rules is okay sometimes.

 

He has to cover for George sometimes too. It's can be uncomfortable, but (initially anyway) it's not a big deal. Nothing drastic.

 

George never covers for him, but Darcy knows that he would if asked. If he ever needed him to.

 

George is his best friend.

 

George is the one who started calling him Darcy, elevating him above all the Williams in the world. _Darcy_ was cool and unique and _William_ was just a penny in a fountain, moldy copper and utterly common and completely forgettable and all of the things that William secretly feared he was.

 

After he becomes Darcy (the name is produced quickly and sticks forever), he can't help but feel a little nervous every time his parents call him William. He worries that they can see right through him. That they know he could never live up to his last name. That Pemberley Digital will crash and burn the second he takes its helm (which, he thinks, won't be for a blessedly long time), because no matter how good he is, he can never be as great as they are.

 

It never bothers him when Gigi calls him William though. Her adoration is never something he's had to doubt. It flows freely from her. He takes it for granted.

 

Though, of course, he doesn't know that yet.

 

(He never stops identifying _William_ as his true self, but he grows less afraid of who that is. And the name becomes a symbol of intimacy rather than inadequacy, reserved only for those he trusts more than he can bear. Gigi, of course. And later, the woman who steals the heart he'd so long neglected.)

 

Things start to change when George's mother dies. George is ten and Darcy is twelve and neither of them know how to deal with the grief. George has lost his mom and Darcy is painfully awkward and he doesn't know how to comfort his best friend because normally George would be the one guiding him through this, but obviously George cannot tell Darcy how to comfort him because he is lost in his own island of devastation.

 

So Darcy is distant and for the first time, George realizes that there is a _gap_ between them. The only reason that they are friends--that they even know each other--is because George's dad works for Darcy's dad and suddenly he is bitter, because Darcy has a _nanny_ and so of course he could not understand what it was like to lose a mother.

 

(Of course, George does not realize that Darcy loves and adores his mother beyond words. She is smart and gentle and laughs in a way that makes him want to join in even though he is self-conscious of his rumbling laugh that bounces uncomfortably off of eardrums and contorts his face into embarrassing expressions.)

 

George cries when no one's looking and slowly begins cultivating a hatred for a lot of things he has no business hating.

 

But he is ten years old and he is hurting and the world is suddenly revealed to be so _ridiculously_ unfair and no one seems to care and no one is trying to _fix it_ and he determines, aptly, that it cannot be fixed. And this determination gives him the urge to destroy.

 

George Wickham is angry. He is angry and he is _right_ and he no longer comprehends how anyone can be happy without being at least a little bit twisted. And he can't help but shake the idea that maybe _twisting_ someone is doing them a favor. Because it's the only path to happiness that he can see.

 

But for now, he is still best friends with William Darcy. Because bitterness aside, he secretly needs Darcy as much as Darcy needs him.

 

When Darcy doesn't understand something at school (rare, but it happens on occasion), his parents hire a tutor. When George doesn't understand something (and he has trouble more often than he'll admit), Darcy helps him. And he does it kindly, without teasing. He does it excitedly. He likes explaining things.

 

And when George gets into a fight at school, Darcy is incredibly nervous and afraid, but he vouches for the story that both parties claim--they fell down the stairs, and never mind that it's a ridiculous excuse that everyone uses. William Darcy verifies it so it must be one of those odd instances where the truth is unexpected and strange because William Darcy wouldn't lie.

 

And when George, only _eleven_ , somehow manages to gamble away $500 that he doesn't have (because how the hell is George Wickham supposed to get $500?), Darcy dutifully pays off his debt without telling anyone about it.

 

And then Darcy finds George smoking a cigarette (still eleven) and he doesn't know what to do anymore because his friend is slipping away from him and smoking is just so _stupid_ that Darcy can't help himself: he yells. He loses his temper and he yells and George drops the cigarette and grounds it under his foot and holds up his arms up in an angry surrender, simultaneously indicating _back off_ and _whatever_ and _you don't understand_ and _leave me alone_ and a hundred other italicized phrases that push him away until Darcy is left clinging to his good opinion of George.

 

He refuses to let it go.

 

He doesn't want to lose him forever.

 

(He ends up losing him anyway. And wondering if maybe he should have spoken to an actual adult about the changes in George rather than dealing with it himself, thinking himself adult enough to handle it. Of course he blames himself. His arrogance, his pride, allowed him to lose a friend to a downward spiral that perhaps therapy could have prevented.)

 

Darcy's mom finds the ground out cigarette butt in the backyard. She asks him about it. He says that he doesn't know how it got there.

 

The guilt of the lie presses on him well into adulthood, but, he tries to tell himself, he really doesn't know how it got there. Because he doesn't know how _George_ got there--to a place where he'd smoke a cigarette and refuse to talk about it with his best friend.

 

Heck, he refused to talk to his best friend about anything of much importance anymore.

 

It's a year later--George is in seventh grade and William is in ninth--when George's dad dies.

 

George does not take it well.

 

On the outside, he maintains his composure. He is just a sweet boy, suffering beautifully.

 

But in reality, he is angrier than he has ever been.

 

The Darcys take George in. But they don't adopt him, because (as George thinks)  _of course they don't_. They don't want to run the risk of George taking inheritance money away from their precious children.

 

They set aside college money for George--enough for him to go to the most expensive school he could want--but it's not the same thing as having real parents. He had real parents once. And then they died. Now he lives in a big, empty house with an artificial family. And he has to be _nice_ to them, because at the end of the day, he is a guest. A foster child who doesn't belong.

 

Mr. Darcy adores George. He spends more time with him than he spends with William, because William is so often busy trying to live up to his father's reputation and expectations.

 

In truth, he does not adopt George because he fails to understand the child's need for family. He thinks it would dishonor the late Mr. Wickham (who had been a dear friend) to claim his son for his own. Mr. Darcy (Uncle Will to George) does not want to replace George's father. Because George had a father of his own, and he had been a good man.

 

But despite that, he can't help but think of George as a son.

 

And George can't help but think of Uncle Will as a phony. Someone who only pretends to care, maybe out of a sense of obligation, maybe to make himself look good in society.

 

Mrs. Darcy is a little warier of George, sensing a darkness inside of him that she can't smother with love. She tries, but he rejects her out of hand, determined to believe that there is nothing _real_ or _genuine_ about the Darcys or about _anyone_ for that matter.

 

But Anne Darcy tries anyway, baking him cakes on his birthday and putting treats in his lunch and giving him hugs and after a while maybe she even manages to fool herself into thinking that George has found happiness in their home.

 

George is a very good actor.

 

He starts to spend a lot of time with Gigi. She is only nine and he is thirteen, but he likes the way that he can trust her. He tries to be bitter about the privilege she is raised in, but she is too sweet to hate and the truth is, she _idolizes_ him. She has everything and she still values George more than all of it.

 

She starts swimming because of him, and he feels a hint of pride, and sure, she plays tennis too (like Darcy does until he graduates from high school), but she likes swimming more and he knows it.

 

He doesn't think of her romantically, but he doesn't think of her like a sister either. Or a friend. She's something different. Something special.

 

(But in the end, not special enough.)

 

Somehow Darcy and George remain best friends. Mostly because George is still in middle school and Darcy is now in high school, so he can't see the trouble that George gets up to.

 

It's harder for George without Darcy there to cover for him and keep him from doing something too foolhardy, too irredeemable. George has never really known where to draw the line--never needed to, because Darcy's always been there to draw it for him, and sure, sometimes, he'd crossed it anyway, but never too far. But he's never been an _orphan_ before and now suddenly even the concept of a line is ridiculous to him because honestly he should be allowed to do whatever he wants whenever he wants and anyone who has a problem with that should really learn that having a problem with something _doesn't make it go away_. 

 

And George is charming enough to talk his way out of many a sticky situation, unafraid to play the orphan card if necessary, whether he's cheating on an exam or stealing kisses from a girl.

 

He needs Darcy more than ever, but they're at different schools and so Darcy has no way of _knowing_ that.

 

They live in the same house, but they are in different worlds.

 

George starts high school and somehow the only bit of reputation that precedes him is "that hot swimmer." Girls giggle and blush when they see him and if later on they're crying and avoiding his gaze, no one notices. After all, silly girls are bound to get their hearts broken one way or another and charming George Wickham can't help being so handsome and sweet.

 

George and Darcy eat lunch together on most days, confusing everyone. Darcy is stand-offish and socially inept and virtually friendless and George is _George Wickham_. Swim prodigy and the object of every girl's affection.

 

Of course, Darcy has a lot going for him too. He just doesn't know how to make people notice, nor does he particularly care if they do or not.

 

George gets him through the rough patches, coaxing him into dating a little bit, and so William Darcy gets his first kiss at sixteen years old and the next day his face is crimson and his chin is retreating into his neck as he shyly holds her hand as they walk through the prep school hallway.

 

Her name is Amanda and she is pretty-but-not-gorgeous, but she's in his English class and he's in love with the way that her voice fills with passion as she discusses Shakespeare in a way that makes him _care_ about Shakespeare (which he really never has before) and normally she's quiet but she's not _shy_ like he is, she's just _quiet_ , because she values words, and so when she speaks, it's always perfect, but of course he doesn't _tell her_ any of this, because if he did, then he would spontaneously melt into a puddle of anxiety.

 

They're only together for a week before she decides that he's not that interested in her and William is equal parts relieved and upset, because she made him so nervous all the time and being in a relationship was stressful and distracting and he needs to _focus_ on school, because he is the heir to a media empire, and, of course, he knew that she was destined to break up with him, so at least he no longer had to worry about when it would happen.

 

But there is a niggling feeling inside of him that maybe he should "lighten up" the way that George is always telling him to, because his life feels strangely empty and he can't figure out _why_ when as far as he can tell, he's doing everything right.

 

(As for Shakespeare, the damage is done: he's enchanted for the rest of his life. But he stops associating it with Amanda fairly quickly. She didn't make Shakespeare beautiful, she just made William notice the beauty that was already there.)

 

For a while, it seems like George and Darcy will make it through, that they'll be able to lean on each other enough to survive standing straight. Or at least, it seems that way to Darcy, who feels the strains on their friendship fading. 

 

But George hasn't trusted Darcy in a while, and for him, this friendship has long been a facade. He goes through the motions, but forgets to feel.

 

And under the surface, he's no longer the George Wickham whom Darcy knows. He's twisted now, and that's fine with him, because he's got a vendetta against the entire world and Darcy's moralizing pressure is just another form of oppression. Everyone is always telling him what to do, as if they're better than him. And if they  _know what it's like_. But George Wickham has  _suffered_ , so he's the one that knows--knows that everyone and everything is just  _full of shit_ and the sooner that you accepted it, the better. _  
_

 

The next time Darcy kisses a girl, it's his senior year. Her name is Veronica and she's not really Darcy's type but George insists that she has a crush on him (and she does, because George casually managed to get her to walk by the tennis courts while Darcy was practicing shirtless--as a wingman, George is both dedicated and deceptive), and so Darcy fumblingly asks her out. 

 

They date for months even though he feels like they never really _click_ and he takes her to the senior prom and afterwards they make love because she wants to and Darcy does not know how to say no to that and he feels awkward and guilty but, of course, also a bit grateful and kind of euphoric and afterwards he tells George that he is in love with her and he is going to marry her (because even though he hadn't been in love with her _before_ , they had had sex, and he is certain that they must be in love now).

 

In hindsight, he realizes that he probably should have told _Veronica_ that he loved her and not George.

 

(In further hindsight, he is glad that he didn't, because the truth is that he didn't love her. He was just an eighteen year old boy trying to create a love story out of hormones and shame.)

 

Less than a week later, Darcy finds Veronica and George together in George's bedroom and they are under the covers and it is unmistakable what they are doing and George says "just a minute, Peach" when he sees Darcy in the doorway and Darcy is trying not to cry, because the situation is bad enough already and so instead of devastation, he fills himself up with rage and George is all winks and false apologies and "she was never your type anyway," and Darcy's good opinion of George Wickham is officially lost forever.

 

But Darcy doesn't tell anyone.

 

Because they used to be best friends. And Darcy can't just stop caring.

 

George stopped caring a long time ago.


	3. Harvard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for how incredibly long it took me to update. Real Life getting in the way, y'all. Anyway, I promise there will be a much shorter wait for the rest of the chapters.

The summer that comes next is difficult, but rewarding. Without a best friend to distract him, Darcy becomes more serious and withdrawn. He interns at Pemberley Digital and has lunches with his mother and meetings with his father and they are proud of him, they are _proud of him_ , and he finds that he is proud of himself. He breathes deeply and allows himself to accept the fact that he is smart and talented and capable and it doesn't matter if his social skills leave something to be desired because who cares about that anyway?

 

The little time that Darcy allows himself for social interactions, he spends with Fitz. Fitz can tell that something is wrong, that something must have happened with George, but he doesn't press the issue. Instead, they play tennis or watch movies or get dinner. Once, Fitz tries to convince Darcy to sneak into a bar with him, but Darcy balks forcibly at the very idea. After Wickham, Darcy is wary of rule-breaking. He was never exactly pliable, but he is now certainly rigid.

 

Right before he leaves for Harvard, William almost tells Fitz about George. Fitz goes to Stanford and so is much closer to home than he is, and William feels like maybe _someone_ should know. It never even for one minute occurs to him exactly what the consequences of not knowing will be down the line, but he does still think that perhaps someone should be warned of George's nature.

 

But ultimately he keeps his mouth shut, because it feels whiny and petulant to do otherwise. After all, what is he going to say? "George stole my girlfriend and also he basically owes me big time for a ton of stuff that I've done for him and by the way he's secretly kind of a dick?" No. He can't say that. He chooses to be the bigger man and let it go. George's character will speak for itself and so will Darcy's.

 

So William goes off to Harvard full of expectations. Expectations of education and prestige and perhaps even a controlled amount of fun.

 

What he is decidedly _not_ expecting is Bing Lee.

 

William meets Bing almost immediately. They end up standing next to each other at a freshman mixer the weekend before classes start. Darcy is quietly sipping a coke and making a mental note to find an organic cola drink to stock his fridge with, while Bing talks animatedly to two pretty girls. One of the girls keeps glancing over at Darcy expectantly, but he is more content observing than participating, and he is not quite sure how exactly he ended up at mixer taking place at one of the _dorms_ when he does not even live at the dorms. Not to mention his general distaste for large gatherings.

 

He is jolted from his musings when the girls walk off to get refills because as soon as they are out of hearing distance, Bing immediately turns to Darcy and says, "I'm in love with her."

 

Darcy blinks in confusion. "Excuse me?"

 

"I'm in love with her," Bing repeats dreamily. "What do you think of her?"

 

"I...I am not quite sure I understand your meaning. You are in a relationship with one of those women?"

 

Bing laughs. "Not yet. You watched me meet them! Darcy, right?"

 

He nods stiffly.

 

"Well, I'm Bing."

 

"Yes, I...I recall that," Darcy says, carefully shaking Bing's proffered hand.

 

"So, what are you here for?" Bing asks with a smile that quite frankly frightens Darcy with its openness. He is not accustomed to people smiling like that unless they have some sort of hidden agenda.

 

(George was always one for big smiles. _Charming_ , they called him.)

 

"I, uh, I...am not sure," Darcy stammers, wondering if  Bing has perceived his discomfort and lack of interest in the mixer.

 

"Ah," Bing says, with an understanding nod. "That's totally cool. Lots of people aren't sure as freshman. I, on the other hand, have always been sure. I'm pre-med." And there's just a hint of sadness in his voice, but Darcy certainly doesn't notice it.

 

Heck, Bing barely notices it himself. He doesn't realize the slight bitterness in _I, on the other hand, have always been sure_. Because, of course, the reason he has always know that he is destined for medicine is because it is what has always been expected of him. It always seemed absolutely essential to his parents' happiness that he be a doctor. And he is a compassionate person, compassionate to a fault. Always eager to please and rarely stopping to consider the consequences of his actions. But he's never really had to worry about it either, because his fiercely protective little sister Caroline has always been there to look out for him.

 

But she's not here now and although Bing is trying not to think about it, he is a bit worried. He cried when he left home--not a lot, but he did cry--and Caroline hugged him and assured him that she'd be joining him at Harvard in one short year. She urged him to make some good friends and stay out of trouble. He'd laughed then and insisted that he should be the one comforting her, not the other way around. And Caroline had said, "Well then I should be the luckiest person alive, for no one being comforted by Bing Lee can resist being happy." That made Bing smile. His sister was often much too cynical for Bing's liking, but when it came to him, she always knew just what to say and just what to do.

 

Upon hearing Bing's declaration that he is pre-med, Darcy realizes that he has misunderstood the question.

 

"Forgive me," Darcy says awkwardly. "I thought you were asking why I was attending the mixer, not the university. In terms of my education, I am pursuing business."

 

"Oh, do you want to start a business?" Bing asks, genuinely curious.

 

"I..." Darcy falters, unsure how much it is appropriate to confide to a virtual stranger. "No, I, um, I have a business already. Or, at least, my parents do," he amends quickly.

 

Bing gives him an encouraging look, expecting him to elaborate.

 

"It's called Pemberley Digital," Darcy finally says, once he realizes that he has apparently not said enough.

 

The girls return then, and Darcy is prepared to firmly retreat back into the shell that Bing has been carefully coaxing him out of, but Bing is determined to include him. And Darcy finds himself appreciating it. He has no interesting in either of the girls, but Bing's affability and kindness are so unexpectedly welcoming that Darcy finds himself cautiously relaxing. Over the next half hour he finds Bing to be a genuinely good person, complete with the high level of sophistication and breeding that Darcy demands in a friend.

 

Which is why, this time, when the girls leave, Darcy offers his opinion on the object of Bing's affection.

 

"You would do well to avoid her. She is interested in your wallet, not you."

 

Bing's face falls. "You think so?"

 

Darcy nods. "Her interest in you increased dramatically once you mentioned your fortune. As a sidenote: you should probably refrain from mentioning your fortune to those with whom you are not well acquainted."

 

"I don't _mean_ to do it," Bing says glumly. "It just comes out naturally. I don't want to _hide_ it."

 

"Well...at a university such as this one, it should not be a frequent problem, I suppose. A general level of wealth is to be assumed among the students here."

 

Bing wasn't really paying attention. "I'm just so in love with her though."

 

This causes Darcy to look at Bing with some alarm, as Bing and the girl in question have only been acquainted for about forty-five minutes.

 

But Bing's passions are quickly inflamed and, as such, they are usually just as quickly doused, so within the minute he is cheerful once more and he turns abruptly to Darcy and says, "You know, I think my sister Caroline would really like you."

 

And thus begins their friendship. Darcy soon finds that Bing has a habit of poor decision making--from things of questionable merit, such as choosing to spend his first year on campus living in the dorms for the sake of getting "the real college experience" to things of nearly catastrophic proportions, such as the time he wanted to wire $100,000 to a stranger who sent him a very compelling and reasonable email from Africa. (This perplexes William to no end, as he hadn't imagined that such spam emails ever actually _worked_.)

 

So Darcy counsels Bing in all his major decisions and Bing restores Darcy's faith in humanity and in friendship. They're in none of the same classes, but they study together, they eat together. Sometimes, on the weekend, they go yachting together.

 

And Darcy feels happier than he remembers being in a long time. He feels _needed_. Bing is incredibly popular. He could be best friends with anyone, but he chooses to be best friends with William Darcy, and after George, William had never really expected to have a best friend again.

 

As for Bing, he finds Darcy's frankness to be refreshing. Bing recognizes his own gullibility, and without Caroline around, he very much needs Darcy to serve as a counterpoint to his own trusting nature. Darcy is not suspicious of people (a characteristic that Bing would find off-putting), he is just observant and honest. He is also intelligent and altogether quite impressive. And most importantly, he is loyal. Bing admires loyalty. He sees it as an unexceptionable steadfastness of character, and so he is pleased to call such a man as Darcy his best friend.

 

The two young men are quick and close enough in their friendship that William finds himself inviting Bing and Caroline (whom he has yet to meet) to come to San Francisco with him over Thanksgiving when he learns that Mr. and Mrs. Lee plan to spend the holiday abroad.

 

The siblings happily accept. 


	4. Partners in Snark

As it turns out, Caroline _does_ like Darcy. And Darcy likes her. Not romantically, of course (Darcy hasn't had even a stray thought towards romance since the debacle with Veronica), but Caroline is a great friend. At eighteen, she positively exudes sophistication and success. Plus, it is nice to have someone around who is closer to his own temperament than Bing, with his constant good cheer.

 

After their initial meeting on Thanksgiving, Darcy sees a lot of Caroline. The Lee siblings are genuinely rather inseparable (a fact which Gigi notes with some jealousy when Darcy invites them over) and this leads to several visits, both from Caroline and to Caroline. Because money is not an issue, they have no problem with frequently flying across the country just to spend a weekend together.

 

Darcy, of course, does not go with Bing every time he visits home, because Darcy is much too devoted to his studies to take time for such indulgences. But to Darcy's own surprise, Bing does manage to drag him onto a plane on a couple of occasions. And, of course, when Caroline visits, Darcy is obligated see her even if he is busy, because it would be impolite not to. But it's not so bad, because sometimes she's busy too, hopping off the plane with schoolwork in tow, rolling her eyes at having to come check on her brother when she has a big test on Monday, and happily sitting next to Darcy in the library and studying while he does. She interrupts him with conversation a bit too often for his liking, but it's much better than those girls who always insist on being at a party or blasting loud pop music.

 

"You don't have to _check on_ me," Bing says indignantly during one such visit.

 

"You're right, I don't. Darcy seems to be doing a fine job of that," Caroline responds, eliciting a smirk from William. "But you did _insist_ that I come see you this weekend," she adds.

 

"Yes. I did," Bing admits. "Because I was hoping that your presence could help convince Darcy to leave his books for a while, but you are _ruining everything_ by studying with him."

 

"Bing, just because I have already gotten into Harvard early decision doesn't mean that I don't still want to be valedictorian. Also, shouldn't _you_ be studying for your chem midterm on Tuesday?"

 

Bing spins indignantly to face Darcy. "Did you _send my sister_ my _exam schedule_?"

 

Darcy shrugs. "It seemed like the appropriate course of action."

 

Bing rolls his eyes, but he's smiling as he grabs his chemistry textbook and joins his sister and his best friend. "I love you guys, you know that?"

 

"We know," they respond in unison, their voices the same tone of wry.

 

And then, of course, soon enough, Caroline is officially their fellow student at Harvard, and the three see each other nearly daily.

 

By this time, Darcy and Caroline have fallen into a pattern with each other. They have found that they both expect both things and people to be of a particularly high quality, and so together, they criticize. They are partners in snark.

 

And yes, Darcy comes to realize, they flirt. But it is an easy kind of flirting. Sharp and meaningless. She is his best friend's little sister, someone to tease and laugh with. He flirts with her quite by accident to be perfectly honest, their conversations somehow twisting more affectionately than he intends.

 

But he doesn't worry about it, because it's harmless, and he is careful never to imply any genuine romantic interest in her. He doesn't think Bing would disapprove--he might even be pleased, really--but he still has no wish to engage in the awkwardness of dating his best friend's little sister.

 

Because, most importantly of all, William Darcy does not love Caroline Lee. And he is determined to never again enter a relationship if he is not decidedly in love.

 

So when a tipsy Caroline tries to corral Darcy under the mistletoe at a Christmas party, he gently rebuffs her and never speaks of it, genuinely (and incorrectly) believing that her actions stem purely from the alcohol and proximity. And whenever she touches him casually, Darcy chalks it up to her more comfortable notion of what constitutes personal space. After all, not everyone feels the need to flinch away from contact the way that he does.

 

For the most part though, Caroline really does behave with a level of aloofness that Darcy appreciates in a friend. Sure, she likes him. She definitely sees a lot of potential in him. She refuses to even _think_ the word "love," because it is simply much too early to even consider that. "Love" is not part of Caroline's plan for her freshman year of college, and Caroline likes for things to go according to plan. Her life is not driven by the pursuit of a relationship, and she is not at _Harvard University_ to husband shop.  Caroline is fueled by ambition, and she will not be satisfied until she has squeezed the very best out of life.

 

Unlike Darcy, she does not have a single-minded devotion to her studies, because she recognizes the importance of socialization. Networking. Connections. She is _not_ the heir to a media empire and though her trust fund will keep her in designer clothes her whole life, Caroline Lee is unfamiliar with the word "complacent." The goal is always to get _more_. To _be_ more. Like Bing, she has grown up under the severe pressure of parents who expect perfection. Unlike Bing, a specific profession has never been expected of her. Instead, she has simply been mandated to be the best in whatever field she enters--a tall order.

 

And, in fact, Caroline faces a problem that people who have never faced do not truly understand: she is exceptionally good at many things. And it is genuinely a challenge. People scoff at the woes of the multi-talented. _Oh how difficult it must be to have so many choices_. But the truth is, it _is_ difficult. Caroline Lee can do or be just about anything she wants. She has the skill, the resources, the opportunity, and the work ethic.

 

And that is why she must sacrifice _passion_.

 

It is too much, simply too much, to allow for passion amidst everything else. If Caroline allowed herself to care too much, she wouldn't be able to function. She refuses to feel a sense of sadness or loss over the decisions she must make. Because she can't do everything. There simply isn't enough time. So she has to choose, she is always having to choose, and she is always pushing away the encroaching feelings of regret. The _what ifs_ that threaten to haunt her.

 

Because she doesn't know what she wants, has never allowed herself to _want_ , for fear of wanting too deeply. She knows one thing, and that is that she loves her family. She cares about their wishes and livelihoods. She wants to make them happy. She knows this. So, she decides that she must be prudent and pragmatic. She will choose the things that reflect the best on the Lee name. She will make her parents proud. She will make her brother proud.

 

So what if Harvard wasn't _really_ her dream school? It's perfect and she's perfect for it, and it's where Bing is. It doesn't matter that a little part of her wanted to go to Sarah Lawrence or Columbia or Oxford or, God forbid, _take a year off_ , because that would have been a ridiculous decision. She is more amply positioned for success where she is.

 

She is focused.

 

She is driven.

 

She ignores the slight twinge of jealousy that goes through her when Gigi Darcy shows her her sketchbook. She tells herself that she is only interested in looking at the drawings out of a sense of indulgence for the younger girl. Caroline has taken art classes, of course. She can draw. And, she firmly tells herself, she is content with that. She certainly doesn't want to _design_.

 

She ignores the flash of irritation that goes through her when she sees Bing trudge through his organic chemistry homework. He understands it okay, but she understands it rapidly...could understand it better. And certainly with more _interest_ than he seems to invest in it. But, she reminds herself, she doesn't _want_ to understand it better. The family has no need of _two_ doctors. And as Bing has the scientific field of study covered, she must focus her attention elsewhere.

 

She ignores her envy as she watches the Olympics, idly thinking back to the gymnastic training she had when she was younger. She could still turn a damn good cartwheel, but the idea of being an _Olympic athlete_ was such a ridiculous notion that she not ought to even remotely entertain it.

 

She ignores the abandoned file on her computer with the twenty page Word document where she once started writing a novel. She allowed herself the task under the conviction that she was approaching it from the perspective of cold, calculating capitalism. She was merely exercising her sharp analytical skills and linguistic talent to see if she could create a respectable bestseller. One with romance, thrills, _and_ substance. It certainly wasn't done out of a sense or curiosity or desire.

 

No, because that would imply passion. And as previously established, Caroline Lee doesn't _do_ passion. Because if she did, she wouldn't have time for anything else. And what would her family think of her then? She'd be nothing more than a silly little girl with a lot of silly little hobbies and no actual career.

 

So Caroline decides to go into public relations. It's perfect for her. She's great at crisis management, and she's great at making decisions, and she's particularly great at telling people what to do. It's a career choice that gives her a sense of control (and if not a sense of _happiness_ , at least a sense of satisfaction), and it allows her to be involved in just about anything...Because everyone needs some good PR.

 

And if life feels a little empty, well, she's too busy to notice. She lives her life by the papers of her calendar, and she has to say: on paper, everything looks perfect. And so she convinces herself that it is.

 

Overall, things are pretty good for all three of them--Caroline, Bing, and William. Just three friends, practically kids, trying to make it in the world. They laugh, they party (Darcy considerably less than the other two), and they study (Darcy considerably more than the other two).

 

Darcy doesn't neglect his duty to Pemberley Digital either. Technically, he doesn't _have to_ do any work for the company yet, but he wants to. He loves the company and he wants to be a part of it. He visits the offices whenever he's home at San Francisco, and during the January of his sophomore year, while he's on break from school, his dad even takes him along to a weeklong conference in Chicago. It's one of the proudest moments of his life.

 

And he has ideas. He's too shy to share them with his parents, but he does share them with Fitz. And over phone and email and the occasional in-person get-together, they collaborate, happily anticipating the day that they are genuine business associates and not just a couple of kids playing at being grown up.

 

And then everything changes and Darcy wishes that he could have continued _playing_ for just a little while longer.


	5. Change

It happens during spring break.

 

In a decision that he will come to deeply regret, Darcy has decided to stay in Cambridge for the holiday.

 

"I haven't seen you since January! You're only twenty William, you don't need to work so hard just yet. Come home for the week," his mother cajoles him.

 

But Darcy insists that he does indeed need to work so hard and Anne Darcy chuckles at his earnestness. It makes her a little wistful and a little proud, his seriousness.

 

Gigi is spending the week at a swim camp. She waits until the last second to decide to go, because she is holding out hope that her brother will come home and spend some time with her. She misses him. She's particularly lonely now that George has turned eighteen and moved out. (He's still in high school, a senior, but the Darcys happily put him up in an apartment when they discovered it was what he wanted. And he very much did want it. As big as it was, the Darcy house felt suffocating to him.)

 

But William is staying at Harvard with his textbooks and his professors and Bing and Caroline and Gigi has friends, she does! She does. And they are on the swim team with her, and they are going to a fancy swim camp over spring break to train and there are going to be cool guests like famous swimmers and coaches and even a senator just for the heck of it, and Gigi will get autographs and pictures and William will be totally jealous and he'll want to hear all about it. He'll probably book a flight immediately just so that he can see her face while she talks to him, and she will appreciate it, because the truth is that William is not the only shy Darcy. Gigi is shy too. She is less awkward, but she just doesn't feel comfortable opening up to most people. Sure, she is often bubbly, but she is always self-conscious and unsure of herself, trying so hard to be a good Darcy, because being a Darcy is a big deal.

 

She feels comfortable around William. She feels comfortable around her parents. She feels comfortable around Fitz. She feels comfortable around George. Her friends at school...She feels nervous around them.

 

So when Gigi sees William at the airport, there to pick her up on Friday when she gets home from swim camp, she is confused, but initially pleased. She thinks that he's come to surprise her. And then she sees his face and she is terrified.

 

It is late Thursday night when William gets the call.

 

He's in his apartment.

 

So are Bing and Caroline.

 

Bing is asleep on the couch, hugging a textbook to his chest.

 

Caroline sits across from him at the dining table, her manicured nails steadfastly clacking across the keyboard of her laptop. She has headphones in, and she occasionally hums under her breath in a way that irritates Darcy more and more as the night wears on. (It's possible that he's getting cranky.) But he lets it slide because she at least has good taste in music.

 

Darcy looks up from his own laptop in surprise as his phone rings. His brow furrows in confusion as he answers.

 

Caroline watches him turn white as a sheet.

 

"Darcy? What's wrong?" She asks, pulling out her ear buds.

 

But he is not listening to her. He is listening to the police officer who is telling him that his parents were in a car crash and now they are dead and no it wasn't their fault but yes the other party is fine and no they weren't drunk, just irresponsible and yes it was instantaneous so no it didn't hurt for long and Darcy is shaking and he is not crying and shouldn't he be crying? He doesn't know.

 

He doesn't know anything anymore.

 

Caroline fearfully shakes Bing awake, because she has heard enough to understand what must be happening and Bing is much better equipped to deal with the situation than she is. She has no idea what to do. She doesn't know how to be comforting.

 

Bing jolts awake to the sight of his sister's frightened face and his best friend's ashen one and after a moment Darcy tersely informs them that his parents are dead and immediately he is wrapped in a hug and he stands there numb and unresponsive until suddenly he remembers Gigi and _oh God Gigi_.

 

"She's just a kid," he mumbles into his best friend's shoulder. "She's in the eighth grade. She's not even in high school."

 

Bing and Caroline don't say anything. There's nothing to say.

 

"It's too soon," Darcy whispers. "It's too soon."

 

"I know, man," Bing responds in a gravelly voice. "I know."

 

And suddenly William pulls away, because he does not have time to grieve right now. There is too much to do. He has a little sister to take care of, and in twelve hours she will be at the airport in San Francisco, and he has to get there first, so without saying a word, he goes into his bedroom and starts packing a bag, and Caroline, who has been hovering anxiously around the two men not knowing what to do, breathes a sigh of relief, because she knows how to be helpful now, and she books a flight immediately, wordlessly writing down the information and handing it to Darcy, and then Bing drives Darcy to the airport.

 

William gets to the airport five hours before Gigi's flight lands. His parents have been dead for roughly eight hours. He tries to let that sink in, but it doesn't.

 

He's her legal guardian now.

 

That sinks in a little better, because it's his _duty_. It is something that he _must do_. He has to look after his little sister.

 

Technically, William has enough time to go home and come back to the airport, but he cannot bear to enter the house by himself. So he doesn't.

 

Instead, he makes phone calls.

 

He calls Aunt Catherine (he'd already called her, but now he calls again). He calls Fitz. And, as an afterthought, he even calls George. He really doesn't want to, but he supposes that he has to.

 

And Darcy certainly doesn't take even a moment to think about it, but George, for all his gripes about the Darcy family, now feels twice an orphan.

 

Fitz meets Darcy at the airport with coffee and food. Darcy eats it gratefully, but he sends Fitz home soon afterwards. He needs to be alone, and then he needs to be alone with his sister.

 

And all too soon, Gigi is walking towards him, her face first lighting up with joy and then falling falling falling and he looks like absolute shit and Gigi knows that William Darcy is a man who likes things to be well-ordered and there is nothing well-ordered about the stubble on his face or his tousled hair or red eyes (red from sleeplessness, not red from crying; he has yet to cry), and she knows that something is wrong but she doesn't know what and it is her voice, her soft, gentle, sweet voice quavering as she says "William?" that causes the first tear to fall from his eye.

 

Mentally, he slaps himself for that tear, because he needs to be strong for her, but just right this moment, he is finding it exceptionally difficult to be strong, but he grits his teeth and hugs his sister, pulling her into his chest, and she still doesn't know exactly what's wrong, but she is crying now, and in a voice as calm and steady and soothing as he can manage, William whispers their desperate truth in her ear, and she is heaving shuddering, gasping sobs against his heart, and a short distance behind her, her teammates look on in confusion, disturbed by the the sadness in what should be a happy return home from an exciting trip, but William and Gigi are not paying attention to anyone else, their eyes pressed tight against the harshness of the world around them, holding each other and trying to let go of everything else.

 

After a minute, Gigi's swim coach does approach them, reaching out to grasp William's shoulder. He looks up in surprise, suddenly registering their surroundings, remembering that they are in a public place and they need to return to the house that is no longer a home.

 

William exchanges a few words with the coach, and then he is pulling Gigi out of the airport and into the car he has ordered. Gigi clings desperately to him the entire way home, her tears flooding his shirt.

 

They stand on the doorstep for a long time, afraid to go inside, squeezing each other's hands so tightly it cuts off their circulation. And then William takes a deep breath and he is inside, and Gigi follows, still crying.

 

And there is a lot to do--so much to do--but at the moment the most important thing to do seems to be holding each other, so they spend a few hours doing just that, until Gigi finally cries herself to sleep, nestled in William's arms on the couch.

 

He gently carries her to bed, wiping her face with a damp washcloth, pulling off her shoes, and tucking her in.

 

Then he calls Aunt Catherine again, and for once he is glad of her officious nature, because she is over immediately, and immediately she begins taking care of things.

 

So William is free to fall asleep, absolutely exhausted.

 

He doesn't dream, which is a relief.

 

After a few hours, he's awoken by the feeling of someone wriggling under his arm. It's Gigi, in pajamas now.

 

"I woke up and I was all alone and I was afraid that you were dead too," she explains in a broken voice. "So I ran here and made sure you were breathing and then I ran back to my room and changed and then came back so that the next time I wake up, I'll know immediately that you're okay."

 

"Oh Gigi," William whispers, hugging her. "You don't have to worry about me. I'm not going anywhere."

 

"Mom and Dad weren't supposed to go anywhere either," Gigi sobs.

 

And the only response William can have to that is to kiss the top of her head and stroke her hair until they both fall back asleep.

 

The next time William wakes up, it is morning. There is a knock on his bedroom door. He squints at the blur as Gigi stirs awake.

 

"Fitz!" She screams, jumping straight out of bed and into his arms.

 

"Gigi D," he says softly. "Hey there."

 

"Hi Fitz," she whispers back.

 

"I love you kiddo."

 

"I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 Aunt Catherine handles all of the funeral arrangements.

 

Which is good because Darcy has to meet with lawyers and email his professors and oh yeah, he now _owns a goddamn company_.

 

Soon he is going to have to deal with the board and figure out how to be a CEO, but thankfully the employees of Pemberley Digital are fond of the Darcy family and they have no desire to disturb the little boy they watched grow up while his grief is fresh. They grieve too. William Sr. and Anne were well-loved as well as talented. Their death is both a personal and professional loss.

 

A lot of people attend the funeral. Bing and Caroline fly down. George is there too. He even talks to Darcy.

 

"I really loved your dad, you know."

 

Darcy nods stiffly.

 

"I mean, I loved Aunt Anne too. But your dad especially. We were very close." Because although George had a thousand bitter thoughts towards him when he was alive, he suddenly feels as if he has lost his father all over again, and he remembers how great Uncle Will really was.

 

The truth is that George is so good at victimizing himself that he doesn't even realize that he is doing it. So of course he suddenly realizes that the Darcys were like real parents to him. That they were people he loved and who loved him back and now they're _gone_ and he's that much more alone in the world.

 

And maybe he's even making a genuine overture to William. Maybe he wants his almost-brother back, so that they'll both be a little less alone.

 

Or maybe he's bragging. Maybe he's trying to rub his relationship with Mr. Darcy in William's face, trying to remind him that even though William was his only son, he still might not have been his favorite one.

 

Not even George really knows if he's trying to make amends with Darcy or hurt him further.

 

Either way, it doesn't work. Darcy doesn't have the time to indulge George, whatever his motivations.

 

Darcy hasn't even had time to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is kind of running away from me in terms of length, so I'm no longer positive how many chapters it will be. Anywhere from 7-10.


	6. Coping

After the funeral, Darcy stops appreciating Aunt Catherine's commandeering spirit, because she wants Darcy to transfer Gigi's guardianship to her and she is so adamant about it that Darcy nearly shouts at her, Gigi clinging to his hand in terror all the while. ("Please don't leave me, William," she whispers.)

 

And William does not leave her. Well, at least not for long. He does have to go back to Boston for a few days to pack up his apartment and talk to his professors. Gigi doesn't want him to go for even that long, but she has spent nearly all her time crying since their parents died, and she is trying to be brave like William. She doesn't want to be a burden.

 

So she doesn't cry when William leaves. (Not until he's out the door anyway.)

 

Fitz stays with her while he's gone. He lets Gigi curl up into bed with him because she's still not ready to sleep alone and face her nightmares, especially without William there. He promises not to tell Darcy that she cried. And he even manages to make her laugh a few times.

 

Somehow, they manage. It's not easy in the beginning. In fact, it's never easy. But it does get easier after a while.

 

Darcy works things out with school. His professors all know him well. He's hardworking and smart and so they are willing to work out a very flexible plan for him to finish the semester. He will have to fly to Boston to take exams, but until then he can do everything from San Francisco.

 

And after that, he will transfer to Stanford. The thought gives him a slight pang, as he will be the first William Darcy in four generations _not_ to graduate from Harvard, but he shoves the feeling aside, because he knows that his father would prefer that he take care of his little sister than continue a legacy. Darcy is not going to uproot Gigi's life and move her to Boston. And he is not going to let anyone else be her guardian.

 

San Francisco is their home.

 

And besides, it's where the headquarters of Pemberley Digital is. And the Darcys belong at Pemberley.

 

It is very difficult, juggling school, work, and pseudo-parenthood. Darcy is lucky to have a household staff to do all the cooking and cleaning. Not to mention a driver for Gigi.

 

And, of course, there is Fitz. He doesn't _quite_ move in, but he does become a part of their little family, going far above and beyond the duties of friendship.

 

A month after Anne and William S. Darcy die, Fitz walks downstairs to find Darcy sitting in the living room, staring intensely at his laptop. It's not an odd sight (Darcy will eventually start working in his father's study and it will become his study, but he's not ready for that just yet), but Fitz is tired of seeing it. His friend has been a nonstop blur for the past month, filling his time with task after task, moving through life robotically.

 

Fitz takes a seat next to William. "Darcy," he says softly.

 

Darcy's head jerks up and swivels to face his friend. "Oh. Fitz. Gigi asleep?"

 

Fitz nods. Gigi is back to sleeping in her own bed, but she still likes William or Fitz to sit with her until she falls asleep. She says they don't have to, but they know that she needs it.

 

"Yeah, Gigi's asleep. Like you should be."

 

William takes off his glasses and presses his palms into his forehead. "Fitz, don't be ridiculous, you know that I can't go to sleep right now."

 

"Darcy, you're the one who's being ridiculous. You've barely gotten any sleep in the last month."

 

"I don't have time to sleep," Darcy mutters fiercely, turning his attention back to his laptop.

 

"Darcy, you need to get some rest man."

 

"What I _need_ ," Darcy snaps, "is to prepare for my presentation tomorrow. So could you maybe not bother me right now? I mean, do you even understand what's at stake here? Tomorrow, I have to walk into a room and convince the board of directors at my father's company, at _my_ company, that I am qualified to run a goddamn business." He's shouting now. He's always been a bit short-tempered, and he is worn out and exhausted and trying to make sure that everything is _perfect_ for one of the biggest fucking days in his life, and he needs to _concentrate_ and he knows that Fitz means well, but it's not _his_ company, it's not _his_ parents, it's not his _life_.

 

"Do you understand, Fitz? Do you understand that I am twenty years old and I don't even have a degree and they are not going to want me to run things? Yes, they've watched me grow up, but that's part of the problem! They look at me, and they see this kid! I have to go in there and show them that I'm not a kid, Fitz! That's what I _need_ , Fitz! I need them to see that I'M NOT A FUCKING KID ANYMORE."

 

And suddenly, Darcy realizes that he is crying. After all this time, he is finally crying, and Fitz is hugging him, and _he is crying_.

 

"I should still be a kid, Fitz," he whispers roughly. "I should still be a kid. I'm twenty years old. I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. What if they can tell that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing? They can't take Pemberley away from me, Fitz. They can't."

 

"They're not going to," Fitz says, patting Darcy's back. "You've been preparing for this your entire life. You're ready. You shouldn't have to be, but you are. And besides," Fitz says, pulling back, "it's not _your_ presentation. It's _our_ presentation. You may be the one doing all the talking, but I'll be there, buddy. I'll be there the whole time."

 

Darcy gives a sheepish chuckle, suddenly embarrassed. "Thanks Fitz," he mumbles, wiping tears from his cheeks. "Sorry for exploding on you. You might be right about my needing sleep."

 

"Don't worry about it man."

 

"That's the first time I've cried, you know," Darcy says after a moment. "Since they...Since they died." He chokes a little on the word, his emotional floodgates finally open.

 

"I'm not surprised," Fitz says wryly. "With the way you've been running around, you haven't exactly had the opportunity to process things."

 

"I don't want to process things," Darcy admits stiffly.

 

"But you have to."

 

Darcy sighs. "I know."

 

"Do you really think they'll accept me as the CEO?" Darcy asks after a minute.

 

"Dude, they would be fools not to."

 

"Aunt Catherine says that I should let someone else run the company for a few years. She says that I can still be CEO later."

 

"And what do you think of that plan?"

 

"I think that letting someone who is not a Darcy be CEO--even temporarily--feels like killing my parents all over again."

 

"You know that they'd be proud of you no matter what, right? They never expected you to be a CEO at twenty."

 

"It's my duty."

 

"But do you really want to do it?"

 

Darcy releases a breath that he didn't know he was holding. "Yes," he says, his voice full of longing. "I want it like I've never wanted anything else. It's where I belong. It's like...When I'm working on things for Pemberley Digital, I feel more alive than I do at other times. Nothing else makes me feel that way. Excited. _Passionate_." It's an oddly emotional speech for Darcy to give. He doesn't normally _express_ this kind of thing. But it's an oddly emotional time for him, and he is sleep deprived on top of everything else, so his tongue is loose, and he just suddenly feels the need for Fitz to understand how much he really does want to be CEO. Now.

 

Fitz claps Darcy on the back. "The board is going to love you. They already love you as a person. You just have to prove to them that you can do this. And you will. We worked hard on that presentation, and it's good man. It's good. And the CEO doesn't have to do everything by himself, you know. There are plenty of qualified people at Pemberley, and they all want you to succeed, man, they really do. They're going to help you. We're going to help you."

 

Darcy nods silently, his throat tight. "Is it awful of me?" he asks after a moment, breaking into tears again.

 

"Is what awful of you?" Fitz asks, confused.

 

"The fact that I want it," Darcy says. "That I'm _excited_ about being CEO. I'm scared, of course. And nervous. But I'm excited. Is that awful of me?" He looks straight ahead as he talks, unable to look Fitz in the eye. He shouldn't be excited about an opportunity that has been created by _the death of his father_. But he can't help it. He is. He is excited, and he feels guilty about it. It's the real reason why he hasn't claimed his father's study yet. Because it makes him feel like a thief.

 

"Darcy, man, listen to me," Fitz says, gripping his friend's shoulder. "You are not awful. You are one of the best people I know. I swear to God, your dad would _want_ you to be excited to run the company. He's always wanted you to love it. I know you, man. I know that you _didn't_ want to be CEO this early. But it's okay for you to want it now. It's really the only choice you have."

 

Darcy pulls out a handkerchief and wipes his face again. "I don't know what I'd do without you, Fitz."

 

Fitz grins. "Yeah, I'm pretty great, aren't I?"

 

In the end, the board approves Darcy as CEO without much difficulty. And even though Aunt Catherine tells William that he's taking on too much, she is secretly very pleased. Her nephew makes her proud.  

 

Mrs. Reynolds, who was Darcy's father's assistant, becomes his assistant instead.

 

And Darcy starts using his father's study (not to mention his office).

 

And life goes on.

 

Summer arrives, and with it, a request from George for his college money. Darcy doesn't think that George really deserves it, but he knows that his father wanted him to have the money, so he parts with it and hopes that he'll never have to see Wickham again.

 

Gigi sees George when he drops by the house though. Darcy watches with gritted teeth as his little sister runs and jumps into George's arms with an excited squeal. "Hey Peach," he whispers into Gigi's hair. "How's the swimming going?"

 

"I miss you," Gigi answers.

 

"That bad, huh?"

 

Gigi giggles. "Swimming's going good. I mean, well. It's going well."

 

"George needs to leave now," Darcy interrupts stiffly.

 

"Oh. Why?" Gigi asks, her face falling.

 

"He has things to do," Darcy says, ushering George out the door.

 

"See ya, Peach," George says to Gigi with a wink.

 

"Bye George," Gigi says sadly. She's quiet for a moment.

 

"Did something happen between you and George, William? It's just that you used to be best friends and you're not anymore?"

 

"People grow apart," is his curt answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you SO much for reading, giving kudos, and/or commenting. You have no idea how much it means to me!


	7. Raising Gigi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so long. I have a lot of Darcy Sibling Feels. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT.

Gigi starts high school and Darcy starts taking classes part time at Stanford (he takes classes during the summer and even the winter to make up for not being a full time student and by doing so, he manages to graduate on time...after which he immediately starts working on his MBA).

 

Classes and work are both challenging, but raising Gigi is definitely the most challenging task in Darcy's life. But it is also the most precious task he has. She is the most important thing he has left in the world.

 

The night before the groundbreaking ceremony for the Darcy Memorial Hall at Pemberley Digital, Gigi crawls into bed with William. It's been months since the last time she did that, but they're both feeling sad tonight, and William doesn't mind.

 

He's reclining against his pillows typing on his laptop when she gives a timid knock on the door, but he puts the computer away immediately as he calls for her to enter.

 

She curls up against him and he puts his arm around her and she leans into his shoulder and they're both silent for a while until she finally quietly says, "Tell me a story."

 

"A story?" William asks, his brow furrowed.

 

"About Mom and Dad. Something I don't know." She picks at the blanket. "You knew them longer than I did."

 

William squeezes his sister. "Hey," he says softly, "you knew them long enough. Don't think that you didn't know them. You knew all the important things."

 

"Still," she says quietly, "tell me a story?"

 

"Of course," William says. "Has anyone ever told you about when they discovered Mom was pregnant with you?"

 

Gigi shakes her head.

 

"Well do you remember how Mom was incredibly ticklish?"

 

She nods.

 

"So, one day, we're in the living room, and Mom's reading to me, when Dad sneaks up and just starts tickling her."

 

Gigi smiles. "I remember how he used to do that. She hated it."

 

William smiles too. "She loved it."

 

"She loved it," Gigi agrees.

 

"But that morning, she was shrieking and laughing and begging him to stop when all of a sudden she runs from the room and vomits. And I was very worried and Dad felt very guilty, but later that day, I saw them both smiling, and I didn't know why. And a few weeks later, they told me about _you_."

 

"And you were all happy?"

 

"We were all very happy. Well, Mom and Dad were happy. I was five. I was excited to have a sibling, but I was also concerned about Mom. And my place in the family. Plus I spent some time under the misguided impression that tickling led to pregnancy."

 

Gigi giggles. "Really?"

 

"Yes. Dad told me that the reason Mom had been vomiting so much lately was due to her pregnancy. I considered the vomiting to be a result of the tickling, and that is the connection that my mind made."

 

"You're silly William," Gigi says sleepily, snuggling close to him.

 

"I believe that is the first time anyone has made _that_ accusation about me."

 

"It's true," Gigi mumbles. "I love you," she adds.

 

"I love you too," he whispers back.

 

"They'd be proud of you, you know," he says after a minute.

 

But she is already asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Some challenges are unexpected.

 

One night, after Darcy has actually succumbed to exhaustion before midnight, he is awoken by a frantic Gigi at 2:00 in the morning.

 

"William! Wake up! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY."

 

He startles awake, panicked, to see Gigi leaning over him looking incredibly flustered.

 

"Gigi? What's wrong?" He murmurs, sleep thickly coating his voice.

 

"You have to go to the drugstore. Right now."

 

"What? Are you sick?" He asks, sitting up. Overall, the situation is slightly alarming, but Gigi does not seem to be in any immediate danger, so the panic is leaving him. "The medicine cabinet should be amply stocked."

 

Gigi flushes. "William. Just get out of bed. NOW." She is bouncing on her feet and fidgeting nervously as she stares at her brother imploringly.

 

"Gigi, it is late and I am tired and you are worrying me. Just tell me what is wrong."

 

"WILLIAM FITZWILLIAM DARCY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?" Gigi shouts, her nerves snapping.

 

"Gigi, calm down," William says, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed and wondering if he is having some sort of stress dream.

 

"I can't be calm when my _own brother_ is trying to kill me."

 

"Gigi, are you sure this can't wait until morning?" William asks, still very confused about what is going on.

 

Gigi's face reddens further. "William, I am going to get toxic shock syndrome AND DIE and it is going to be ALL YOUR FAULT. Is that what you want? Do you want me to get TSS?"

 

"What is TSS?" William asks, completely nonplussed.

 

Gigi rolls her eyes and grabs her brother's shoulders. "There is _a tampon_ inside of me," she says very seriously, looking him straight in the eyes, much to his discomfort. "I thought that I had a whole other box of tampons but _I don't_ which is why I didn't put it on the shopping list for the housekeeper and if this tampon stays inside of me for more than another hour then I AM GOING TO GET TOXIC SHOCK SYNDROME AND DIE, WILLIAM."

 

William flinches away from his sister's shouting face, squirming uncomfortably under her gaze (as well as his general discomfort with the situation).

 

"The thing is," Gigi continues, "I cannot take this tampon out until I have another one to put in. Unless you want me to--"

 

"I get it Gigi," William hastily interrupts. "I have heard more than enough, and I am going to the drugstore right now. Look. See, this is me getting out of bed," he says, standing up and heading to his closet to throw on some clothes.

 

"Good," Gigi says, satisfied. She quickly writes down the brand she uses on the notepad William keeps on his nightstand. "Be sure to get _exactly this_ ," she tells him through the closet door. "It's really important to get the right absorbency. If you get super instead of regular than it could lead to--"

 

"I got it, I got it," William says hurriedly, stepping out of his closet looking rather disheveled and snatching the piece of paper out of her hand.

 

"Okay, but I just want to make sure--"

 

"I've _got it_ , Gigi. I can read."

 

"Fine, just hurry. My vagina--"

 

"Oh my God Gigi, please don't tell me anything about your vagina. I am getting your tampons, okay! And hurrying! Just please stop talking!"

 

Gigi smirks at him and mimes zipping up her lips and locking them shut. Her embarrassment has long been forgotten in the face of her amusement. Though she is genuinely a little bit panicked.

 

Darcy hurries to the nearest drugstore, grabs some tampons ( _regular_ absorbency) in the brand that she likes and is back home within half an hour.

 

"Here," he says, proffering Gigi the bag. "I got you two boxes in the hopes of preventing another incident such as this one."

 

He stops when he notices that Gigi is crying.

 

"Gigi, it's okay!" He hurriedly assures her. "Look, I'm back! I have tampons! You're going to be fine. You won't get this 'TSS' and die!"

 

"It's not that," she mutters, grabbing the bag and wiping her tears. She feels really stupid and she didn't mean for William to see her cry.

 

"Oh Gigi," he says softly. "Are you upset that you had to ask me? I'm sorry if I was unpleasant earlier. It really was no trouble. Please don't be upset."

 

This, much to her mortification, causes Gigi to cry harder. "It's stupid."

 

William pulls his little sister into a hug. "What's stupid?"

 

"Nothing," she mutters in his shoulder. "It's just that...Ugh...Like I said, it's stupid...But I was at Lucy's house the other day and she needed a pad and she was out and she just ran into her mom's bathroom and grabbed one."

 

And then, because it is 3:00 AM and he hasn't gotten more than five hours of sleep in the past three days combined and because he now knows far more than he ever wished to about the menstrual habits of Gigi (and now her friend Lucy) and because his sister is crying and he just wants her to be okay, William says the first thing that pops into his head.

 

"Do you want me to keep an extra box of tampons in my bathroom so you can pop in and grab one if you ever run out?"

 

It's such a ridiculous statement that Gigi's tears stop immediately. She pulls back from the hug to stare at her brother, completely nonplussed.

 

"What?"

 

William reddens. "Nothing."

 

And then Gigi starts laughing. First, it's a quiet giggle that escapes her lips and then she is doubled over wheezing in uproarious laughter as William's face grows hotter.

 

"No thanks," she finally manages to choke out. "I can just keep the extra box in my own bathroom."

 

Darcy nods stiffly.

 

"But thank you," Gigi says softly after a moment. She leans over and kisses William on the cheek with a smile.

 

After a moment, Darcy smiles back.

 

* * *

 

 

Overall, that night is nowhere near as difficult as one that comes a few months later.

 

It is a Thursday night and the siblings are sitting at the dining table eating dinner together when Gigi says, "By the way, I won't be having dinner at home tomorrow night, because I'm going on a date with Robert. From my swim team? You know him."

 

After their parents died, William read several books about parenting teens, but every last piece of information he gleaned flies out of his head at her words and he responds quite violently.

 

"What? No! Absolutely not! Georgiana, I forbid you."

 

Gigi scoffs. "Um. William, I am sixteen years old. That is totally old enough to have a boyfriend."

 

" _Boyfriend?_ " William splutters indignantly. "He's your _boyfriend_ now?"

 

"Well yeah."

 

"SINCE WHEN?"

 

Gigi rolls her eyes. "Since he asked me on a date! Were you not listening? We're going out tomorrow night, because we're _going out_ now."

 

William just stares at her for a moment, trying to make sense of her words.

 

"Except you're not going out," he finally says. "Tomorrow night or ever. Honestly, who does this Robert think he is?" William mutters hotly.

 

"William!" Gigi squeals indignantly. "Stop being so unfair! Didn't you have a girlfriend at sixteen?"

 

"That is beyond the point!" William snaps. "But since you bring it up, I can verify that it was all together a distracting and unfulfilling relationship. As most relationships at this age are. You need to focus on school. And tennis. And swimming. If you are having difficulty finding enough to occupy you, then I can create a very accommodating internship schedule for you at Pemberley Digital."

 

" _William_ ," Gigi begins in protest.

 

"Georgiana, this discussion is over," Darcy says firmly.

 

"No it is not!" Gigi says, standing up and stamping her foot. "Robert asked me out and I said yes and we are going to dinner and a movie tomorrow night and that is final!"

 

Darcy spends a flummoxed moment mouthing the words "dinner and a movie" in disbelief before he finds his voice. "This Robert hasn't _kissed_ you, has he?" he asks accusatorily.

 

Gigi blushes. "What! No. Not yet."

 

"NOT YET?!"

 

"No, not yet," Gigi says, red-faced. "And it is none of your business who I kiss."

 

"IT IS ABSOLUTELY MY BUSINESS, GEORGIANA," William roars. "'Not yet,'" he repeats in disbelief. "So you believe that he intends to kiss you?"

 

"I don't know! Maybe! Probably! He's my boyfriend, William!"

 

"He is not your boyfriend, and if you think that I will let you go anywhere with him when he clearly _has designs on you_ then you are crazy."

 

"You can't stop him from kissing me," Gigi points out. "I see him at school and at swim practice all the time."

 

"You're being homeschooled from now on," Darcy says immediately.

 

Gigi rolls her eyes. "William, when are you going to find time to home school me?"

 

"Fine. I'm transferring you to an all girls school."

 

"William, come on. Robert's a nice guy!"

 

"I will determine that for myself, thank you very much," Darcy says hotly.

 

Gigi brightens. "So you'll let me go on the date?"

 

Darcy narrows his eyes. "I have to meet him first...Have a little chat."

 

"William, please don't scare my boyfriend away. I really like him."

 

Darcy twitches. "Please stop referring to this delinquent as your boyfriend."

 

"Oh my God William, you're _the worst_. Why is he a delinquent? He's not a delinquent!"

 

"I'll be the judge of that. Just make sure that he arrives thirty minutes early for your...date," he says, pronouncing the word distastefully.

 

"Fine," Gigi says with a huff.

 

That night, Darcy doesn't sleep. He is overtaken by a kind of terror at the idea of his sister dating and he is aware that he perhaps did not react to the news in the best possible way.

 

He paces back and forth in front of his desk, trying to calm down and more importantly, trying to plan what he is going to say to Gigi, because they definitely need to have some sort of _talk_ before she absconds with this _Robert_. (He knows exactly what he is going to say to _him_.)

 

After a while, he sits down and grabs his fountain pen and some paper. Writing things down always helps him organize his thoughts.

 

_Georgiana,_

No, he did not want to intimidate her. He had done enough of that already. No, he would be friendly. Put her at ease. Yes.

 

_~~Georgiana,~~ _

_Gigi,_

On the other hand, he needed her to understand that it was a serious discussion.

 

He would decide on the form of address later.

 

_~~Georgiana,~~ _

_~~Gigi,~~ _

_(?)_

_Dating is a normal and healthy teenage behavior._

Was that an appropriate opening? Perhaps he should add a joke.

 

_~~Georgiana,~~ _

_~~Gigi,~~ _

_(?)_

_I have been reliably informed by the topic literature that_

_Dating is a normal and healthy teenage behavior._

 

No, that was too flippant. Or was it? Perhaps if he began with "Georgiana," and then followed as such, it would offset the intimidation factor from using her whole name...

 

_~~Georgiana,~~ *_

_~~Gigi,~~ _

_~~(?)~~ _

_I have been reliably informed by the topic literature that_

_Dating is a normal and healthy teenage behavior. However, you must exercise caution when venturing into such waters._

"Venturing into such waters?" This was coming out all wrong. He would work out the beginning later. Right now, he needed to work out the most important part of the discussion as it was likely to take him the most time.

 

He sighs and gets to work with a grimace. After a while, he has worked out a draft.

 

_~~You are never to have sex.~~ _

_~~Sex is beautiful.~~ _

_~~And dangerous. And should be avoided at all costs.~~ _

_~~I have it on good authority that this Robert of yours has several STDs.~~ _

_Be careful and wise in your decision making. Do not engage in copulation unless you are certain that it is what you want. Make sure your first time is special. I want you to be in love. I want you to be older. I don't want it to be with Robert, because I do not trust him. (He just seems duplicitous. Perhaps you should break up with him...?) You must understand that sex is not something to be rushed into. Many people live happy, fulfilling lives while remaining completely celibate. (I'm simply asking you to consider it as an option.)_

_I trust that you have been well-educated by this point about "the birds and the bees" so I won't rehash that conversation. (Unless you need me to? You know that you can always come to me with questions, Gigi. You don't have to be embarrassed. Would you like me to ask Mrs. Reynolds to talk to you? She has known you your whole life and I trust her judgment completely. Would that make you feel more comfortable? Or would you prefer someone closer to your own age? I'm sure Caroline wouldn't mind.)_

_Now, as for safety concerns..._

Gigi is confused when she finds William waiting for her at home when she gets home from school the next day. Even on Fridays, he normally works late.

 

"Please sit," he says tersely, and then launches into his speech. He has memorized the key points, but he does check his notes occasionally.

 

His words are met with a lot of shrieking and indignance and "please shut up's" but he persists. ("This is important, Gigi! You have to listen!")

 

By the end of it, she is absolutely mortified and hiding her face behind a pillow.

 

"Thank you very much for that William," she says stiffly, putting the pillow down to reveal her tomato-red face. "But I'm sixteen, not twelve. And I'm not planning on having sex on my first date with my first boyfriend!"

 

(He schedules an appointment for her with a gynecologist anyway.)

 

"Good," William says approvingly. Then he presses a can of pepper spray into her hands and says, "Take this with you and do not hesitate to use it."

 

Gigi rolls her eyes but slips it into her purse anyway.

 

Later, when she runs into him in the kitchen an hour before Robert is due to arrive, his eyes widen in horror.

 

"You're not wearing that on your date, are you?"

 

"I am. Why? Is something wrong with it?" Gigi asks in concern.

 

William tiredly rubs his temples. "That skirt is entirely too short. Change. Now."

 

Gigi gives him a baffled look. "Okay, first of all, this skirt is of a totally normal length. And second of all, you realize that he's on the _swim team_ with me, right? He sees me in a bathing suit _constantly_."

 

"No wonder I hate him already," Darcy breathes.

 

(Gigi doesn't change.)

 

A little while later, the doorbell rings and Gigi pauses on her way to open it when she sees Darcy sitting on the couch, staring very intensely at the wall.

 

"Um, William, what are you doing?"

 

"Reconsidering my position on guns," he replies moodily.

 

"William!"

 

"What?" he asks innocently. "Guns can be useful devices for...self-defense."

 

"I thought you were a pacifist."

 

"You're thinking of Bing."

 

"William, _please_ be nice."

 

"I'm always nice."

 

Gigi laughs. "No you're not," she says, and then she runs to get the door.

 

She spends the next thirty minutes in nervous anticipation as William and Robert are closeted in the study.

 

When they finally emerge, William looks rather grumpy and Robert looks a little sweaty, but otherwise both seem fine.

 

Watching Gigi walk out the front door with Robert _very carefully_ not touching her is one of the hardest things William has to do.

 

But it's not nearly as hard as the moment two weeks later when he comes home to find Gigi crying and eating ice cream _straight from the carton_ (he nearly has a heart attack) while she watches sappy movies.

 

Once it is communicated to him that her relationship has ended, Darcy is reduced to a state of anxious fluttering, unsure how to react. He knows that he cannot appear to be relieved (though he is...which then causes him to be ashamed, because his sister is obviously quite wounded, and he just wants her to be okay). It also does not seem prudent to display his murderous rage (he _knew_ that Robert was bad news). So, after giving her a few awkward pats on the head, he settles for going in the other room and calling Fitz. He seems more equipped for handling this one.

 

(Fitz handles it quite well, returning Gigi to her normal, bubbly state. He also manages to convince Darcy not to seek revenge on a sixteen year old boy.)

 

* * *

 

 

By the time Gigi is eighteen, it feels like the siblings have been through absolutely everything together.

 

He has helped throw her a surprise Sweet Sixteen (it was Fitz's idea) and begrudgingly gone prom dress shopping with her (he still does not understand why his presence was necessary) and nursed her through several sicknesses. He has helped her with her homework and gone to her tennis matches and swim meets and as reserved as he normally is, he has loudly cheered her on, because it is worth it to embarrass himself a little bit for her.

 

And in turn, she has always remained the brightness in his life. She has covered him in blankets when he's fallen asleep at his desk and made sure that he doesn't skip meals and put silly things on his calendar to make him smile in the middle of terrible days. She has made him take days off every once in a while and nursed _him_ through his sicknesses too (he is very grumpy when ill...and he always insists that he's _fine_ ; she really deserves some sort of reward for dealing with him in such situations). She's baked him terrible birthday cakes and insisted that he go to a bar for his twenty-first (he came home after an hour, barely even buzzed).

 

They've visited their parents' graves together. They've held each other in their darkest moments. They've "celebrated" anniversaries that they never wanted to have.

 

And when Gigi walks across the stage at graduation, William can't help but cry. She's wearing a string of their mother's pearls with her gown, and he is wearing their father's favorite tie.

 

Fitz notices his friend's tears and claps him on the back. "You did it, man," he says with a smile.

 

Darcy shakes his head. "No," he says thickly. " _We_ did it."

 

Because it's true. Fitz has been there every step of the way. He may not have experienced everything the Darcy siblings have, but William cannot imagine having done it without him.

 

Fitz shakes his head. "I'd love to take credit for a girl as great as Gigi, but this was all you, man."

 

Darcy chuckles. "Don't be modest. You know that you have been an essential part of our lives these past four years."

 

Fitz shrugs it off.

 

"Seriously Fitz," Darcy says. "Thank you."

 

Fitz smiles. "You're welcome. You know that I love you guys. Now stop being such a sap. Today is a day to _party_."

 

And they do party.

 

Bing and Caroline are in town from LA to join their little family and, along with Fitz and Gigi, they somehow manage to convince Darcy to go to karaoke with them that night (he strictly warns them against allowing Gigi to have any alcohol and they threaten to get her drunk if he does not chaperone, which is a cruel but effective trick). Darcy does not sing, but he smiles as he watches his sister on stage for the second time that day, happy and successful.

 

And as he watches her laugh, he feels his heart unclench and a weight that he never knew he was carrying leaves his shoulders. For the rest of his life, he will be responsible for her, yes.

 

But at least he has managed to make it this far without screwing things up.


	8. Needed

When Gigi leaves for college, it sends a sharp pang through Darcy's chest, but he tries to ignore it in favor of the pride he feels at her accomplishments.

 

However, once she's gone, the encroaching emptiness becomes hard to ignore, and instead of using his newfound free time to start getting a more healthy amount of sleep, he just turns into more of a workaholic than he already was.

 

The one perk of Gigi being gone is that he is able to go on business trips more frequently, and he takes full advantage of that fact. Visits to the Los Angeles office certainly ease his loneliness, as there he is able to spend time with Bing and Caroline (and occasionally Bing's latest girlfriend, an ever-changing cast of characters who manage to momentarily catch Bing's earnest affections).

 

As for Gigi, college is a terrifying time. Never before has she felt such a great pressure to excel. Never before has she felt so alone.

 

She doesn't make the swim team her first year, and the crushing disappointment nearly destroys her. Sure, the coach tells her that she's just a freshman and there are a lot of really talented seniors and she should just try again next year, but she feels like a failure.

 

It doesn't matter that she easily makes the tennis team. The truth is that she's always been better at tennis than at swimming, but perhaps for that very reason, she has always wanted to succeed at swimming _more_.

 

When she runs into George, she's at a pretty low place. Swim tryouts are coming around again and she's convinced herself that she won't make the team this time either and she misses William and she misses her parents and she misses--

 

George Wickham.

 

She blinks in disbelief when she sees him.

 

"Peach, is that you?"

 

"George?"

 

It's been years since the last time she's seen him, and suddenly she's transported to memories of a happy childhood and a girlhood crush. And before she knows it, she's hired him to train her and things start looking up.

 

She's reconnected with someone she thought she had lost forever (though she's never known _why_ she lost him, as William has always refused to tell her). Her swimming noticeably improves because not only is George a good trainer, but she has the added incentive of desperately wanting to impress him.

 

And then one day, when they're in the pool, George looks at her, _really looks at her_ , and suddenly a slow blush is heating Gigi's entire body. And then his face is hovering right in front of hers and the next thing she knows, they're kissing. They're kissing and it's beautiful and magical and everything she's ever wanted but never dared to hope for. _George Wickham_ is kissing her.

 

His lips are slow and sweet on hers, his hands are on her back, and Gigi's every nerve is screaming in delight. She's dated a few guys, but deep down, she knows that she's always just been waiting for George. Her first love. And now, hopefully, her last.

 

And then he pulls away...slowly, tenderly, but he does it.

 

"What's wrong?" Gigi asks breathlessly.

 

George leans his forehead against hers and shakes his head. "I'm so sorry Peach. I shouldn't have done that. It was rude of me."

 

"No!" Gigi says with a smile. "No, it's okay! It's--it's good. Great, even."

 

"But what about your brother?" he whispers.

 

"What about him?"

 

"You know that he doesn't exactly...approve of me."

 

"I don't care," Gigi says stubbornly.

 

"Are you sure?" George asks, holding her gaze for a moment before looking down at the water rippling between them. "I just...I don't want to screw things up for you. And I know that, well, I know that I can kind of be a screw up."

 

"George, no! If William thinks that, he's wrong. Besides, he doesn't get to choose who I date. You're not a screw up. You're amazing. And this...I've wanted this...us...for a long time."

 

George smiles. "Me too, Peach." And then he winks and all of a sudden Gigi finds his strong arms briefly wrapping around her waist before flinging her into the water.

 

"George!" she squeals. But she has difficulty getting more words out because he is splashing her and then he is next to her and then he is kissing her.

 

And for the first time in a long time, Gigi is genuinely happy.

 

* * *

 

Gigi makes the swim team and that night she and George make love for the first time in a euphoric rush. It's Gigi's first time _ever_ , and there's no one she would rather have lost her virginity to.

 

In the back of her mind, she knows that William would kill them both if he knew, but William does not get to run her life. He needs to understand that she is her own person and she can make her own decisions. She's an adult now.

 

When the time is right, she will explain it all to him and he will understand. But for now, she revels in the secrecy of it. It's private. Intimate.

 

But, of course, that's not how things work out.

 

All too soon, her relationship with George comes crashing to an end, and Gigi is left feeling worthless and utterly, utterly broken.

 

* * *

 

Later, after it's all over, she's able to look at her memories and realize how he'd manipulated her. Pretending to care about her relationship with William, yet constantly poisoning her against him. Pretending to need her when really all he needed was her money. To her, the condo had been their home. To him, it had been a place to crash.

 

A year later, the memories still haunt her. They _hurt._

 

And though the pain cuts through her chest like glass, her memories of George are still... _soft_. She remembers the tender way his hands guided her as he swam next to her in the pool...fixing her mistakes, making her better. She remembers his warm laugh as he timed her laps, saying, "Look at you, Peach! You're unstoppable!" She remembers how his gaze could stop her heart from beating. Because the way that he looked at her...Well, no one had ever looked at her like that before. Like she was beautiful. Like she was the most marvelous human being he'd ever seen.  

 

 _"Peach. Has anyone ever told you how talented you are?"_ _His breath tickled her ear as they lay together in bed...His bare chest pressed against her back. His arms around her._ Even now, the memory sends a shudder through her spine...A shudder of longing, a shudder of despair.

 

_His words cut through her drowsiness, a smile automatically bursting across her face (though George couldn't see it) and a bolt of pure giddiness shooting through her. Because that's how George made her feel: giddy. Giddy, heady, over the moon!_

_"_ You _have," she answered, her bottom lip caught in her teeth._

_His arms wrapped tighter around her. His face pressed into her neck. Gigi's stomach tingled._

_"Really? No one else?"_

_She shrugged, enjoying the feeling of her shoulders moving against his body. People had complimented her before, but of course there had been no one like George. George didn't just compliment her. He valued her. He believed in her encouraged her supported her_ loved _her._

_"Well they're wrong. They're all wrong about you. But I appreciate you, Peach. I know how great you are...It's gonna be you and me, Peach. You and me against the world. We're gonna take them all by storm." He winked. She couldn't see him, but she knew he winked. "We can do anything."_

_His whispered bedtime words had a special way of making Gigi melt. "As long as I've got you by my side, of course," he added. "I need you, Peach. I'm nothing without you. We may not have other people, but we'll always have each other."_

_He needed her._

And as strong as she is, and as much as she's healed, Gigi cannot stop herself from crying. Because this man, this _awful horrible horrific handsome wonderful_ man, had tricked her and broken her heart and worst of all, he hadn't ever really needed her to begin with. And yet...a part of her still loves him. She is scared that a part of her always will. It has been _an entire year_ and she still isn't over it. How is that fair? How is it fair that after so long, he can still make her cry? How is it fair that after everything he did, a part of her still cries out to forgive him? To take him back. To be with him, even if he didn't really love her, because being with him under false pretenses had been so much better than not being with him at all.

 

And then _no_. She is stronger than this. She's gotten past this...

 

The longing comes in waves. Sometimes she misses him. She thinks that she is fine and that everything is okay and that she is one-hundred percent over him and then all of a sudden, those soft memories creep in, and suddenly she is back at the bottom of the well.

 

And whenever the longing strikes, it pierces through her like a bullet, the pain of it all absolutely consuming her.

 

But that bullet always strikes clean through: an entrance, pain, but then an exit.

 

And suddenly she doesn't miss him she doesn't want him she doesn't love him _she hates him_.

 

And then after a while, that fades too. And for a while, she'll be okay again.

 

And slowly, the moments when she is not okay get rarer and rarer.

 

And there is nothing Gigi can do but pray for the day that they go away completely.

 

She doesn't want to long for George. She doesn't even want to hate him. She just wants to forget him.

 

But for now, she flinches when she sees peaches, and she stays away from swimming pools.

 

* * *

 

It breaks William's heart to see Gigi in so much pain. He runs scenarios in his mind constantly, thinking about how he could have protected her better.

 

Initially, she wants nothing to do with him. But after her shouting is done and it becomes clear that George is the one who is truly at fault, she clings to William tighter than ever. She transfers schools so that she can live in San Francisco and work part time at Pemberley Digital.

 

One rainy day he comes home to find her staring out the window and crying.

 

"Gigi, what's wrong?"

 

"Why does everybody leave me, William?" she asks hoarsely.

 

"Gigi, no one's leaving you!" He rushes to her side and puts his hand on her back.

 

She responds with a wry chuckle. "Mom's gone. Dad's gone. _He_ 's gone."

 

"Gigi, please--"

 

"He understood, you know. About people leaving. About being alone. An orphan."

 

"Gigi..." William starts weakly, not knowing what to say.

 

"You're the only one in the world who loves me William. And you only do it because you have to."

 

"Gigi, that is absolutely not true!"

 

"Isn't it?"

 

"Georgiana Darcy, I don't think anyone in the world could stop themselves from loving you."

 

"You're wrong," she says, and then before William can respond, she gets up and disappears into her bedroom.

 

But things get better with time. They always do.

 

Soon Gigi is telling William that she's okay (she's not really, but she's okay enough) and that he needs to stop cancelling all his business trips. She can survive without him. In fact, she needs him to spend some time away. She needs to learn how to be independent. She needs to be an adult.

 

Besides, if he's not around, she always has Fitz.

 

So William cautiously begins giving Gigi more space. He also makes sure that when he is with her they spend actual _quality_ time together. He needs her to know that he loves her. That she has never been an _obligation_ to him. She is his _sister_.

 

Gigi makes friends at Pemberley Digital and at her new school and she goes to therapy and she starts to feel happy every once in a while.

 

By the time Bing invites William to go to Netherfield with him, Gigi is no longer terrified of being alone. She encourages William to go with a laugh and a smile.

 

"Go! Have a vacation! You work too hard and you never do anything fun."

 

"I do plenty of fun things."

 

Gigi rolls her eyes. "You really don't."

 

"I ski during the winter and I bike all the time and I attend the theatre and--"

 

"Oh my God, William. Just shut up and go spontaneously hang out in some suburb with your best friend!"

 

"Well," William says after a moment, "I do worry about what Bing will get up to unsupervised...Even if Caroline accompanies him. After all, buying a mansion in a completely random small town is unprecedented even for Bing."

 

"Go, William."

 

"Are you sure you will be okay with me gone?"

 

"I'll be _fine_. I'm _fine_ , William. You can stop smothering me."

 

"I am not _smothering_ you--"

 

"Yes. Yes you are. And your co-conspirator Fitz will do a fine job of constantly making sure that I am okay in your absence."

 

That is not the end of the conversation, but after a few more minutes of discussion, William is persuaded.

 

He bids Gigi goodbye and flies to LA for a meeting before heading to Netherfield with Caroline to meet Bing.

 

And then he is dragged to a wedding and then...Well, then things change. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote a oneshot a few months ago about Darcy finding out about Gigi/Wickham, if you want to read it: http://archiveofourown.org/works/713046  
> (I couldn't bear to write about the scenario again, which is why I skipped that bit in this fic.) 
> 
> The next chapter will be fairly short, and it will wrap up this fic. Thanks for reading!


	9. Pining

William Darcy does not fall in love with Lizzie Bennet at Stuart's wedding. No, he does not find himself particularly attracted to her there at all. She is just another girl in an accursedly small town.

 

But when the attraction begins, it hits him hard. Suddenly, she consumes his thoughts. Suddenly, he finds new things interesting. Suddenly, he's reading Tolstoy and listening to top 40 radio and willing to play Just Dance and maybe this town isn't so bad after all.

 

By the time he realizes that he is in love, it's too late to stop it. He knows that he _cannot_ follow his heart in this matter. A relationship with Lizzie Bennet would be...imprudent.

  
So he keeps his feelings to himself (it would be cruel to give her the hope of a relationship that he cannot follow through with) and contents himself to enjoy the pleasure of her company.

 

And God, does he enjoy it. She is so invigorating, with her strong opinions and lively spirit and quick wit and intellect. And though he tries not to, he can't help but think of how much Gigi would like her. He does not tell Gigi about her, as he does not expect that Lizzie will be a permanent fixture in his life, but he is very tempted to. And when he really lets his thoughts get away from him, he finds himself imagining how well both Gigi and Lizzie would appreciate being sisters. 

 

* * *

 

By this time, Caroline is in love with him.

 

It is a tasteful kind of love--subtle and muted. No all-consuming passion. No flames of lust. No tacky declarations or proclamations of want or need or _always_.

 

It is an ache in her chest and a tingle in her stomach. It is a swallowed smile and more than anything, a sense of _inevitability._

 

William Darcy is a brilliant man. Smart, handsome, clever, funny, rich--he has everything that a girl could want. Everything she is expected to want. Everything she _does_ want. And he is a man of few friends. Caroline has rarely seen him talk to a girl other than herself (and his sister, of course). So if she has a certain sense of possessiveness towards him, despite the (officially) platonic nature of their relationship, it is well-deserved.

 

He _flirts_ with her. He barely _talks_ to other women. And Caroline has always assumed that when he is ready to settle down, he will propose and that will be that. It has never occurred to her that he might meet someone else, because they may have never actually _talked_ about it, but they clearly belong to one other. It is an unspoken understanding.

 

So when he starts talking about a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman--and when he makes it clear that the woman in question is one uncultured, ginger, pasty _grad student_ by the name of Elizabeth Bennet--Caroline nearly throws up. The idea of Darcy being with someone else makes her ill. For goodness sake, she has always _been there for him_. And now he was just going to throw her away?

 

But more than that, the idea of Darcy being susceptible to the flamboyant pull of _true love_ horrifies her. She is willing to admit that she loves him, yes. But "true" love is a myth, a fantasy created to satisfy the imaginations of the hoi polloi, who need to believe that they can find satisfaction in a life lacking luxury. True love is something to hope for, for those who _need_ hope. Caroline Lee does not need hope. She has a credit card. She has connections. She has everything in the world.

 

She has a not-boyfriend who is inexplicably in love with a woman far beneath him. And he refuses to _stop_.

 

Initially, she thinks he is teasing her. Making a joke. Satirizing Bing.

 

But no. He is _serious._ He is serious and Caroline is left seething at his betrayal. Because it _is_ a betrayal. He was supposed to have been better than this.

 

He was supposed to have been better.

 

But even William Darcy is not above true love. (And though she is vehemently opposed to it now, maybe someday Caroline Lee won't be either.)

 

It is certainly a new and foreign sensation to Darcy. And it certainly causes him a considerable amount of anguish. (It would be much simpler if he _had_ just fallen in love with Caroline Lee.)

 

But somehow, this feeling...It's worth it.

 

Lizzie Bennet is worth it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express to you guys how much I appreciate you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for leaving kudos. Thank you for leaving comments. 
> 
> Writing this has been such a great experience, and I'm kind of sad that it's over. I hope you liked it! Please let me know your thoughts!


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